PARIS HILTON AND GRANDFATHER

RECENTLY, IT WAS ANNOUNCED, BARRON HILTON, THE GRANDFATHER OF PARIS HILTON, WILL
DONATE 97% (ABOUT 2.7 BILLION DOLLARS) OF THE TOTAL HILTON WEALTH TO CHARITY
FOUNDED BY HIS FATHER CONRAD HILTON FOUNDATION. HER GRANDFATHER IS REPORTED TO BE
EMBARRISED BY HIS GRAND DAUGHTER'S ACTIONS THE LAST FEW YEARS. THE BOTTOM LINE IS,
SHE WAS BORN RICH AND SHE WILL DIE RICH. IT IS NICE TO KNOW THAT EVERYTHING
WILL NOT BE GIVEN TO HER. THANK YOU MR. HILTON!!!

AMY WINEHOUSE

I DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT AMY WINEHOUSE, BUT ONE THING I DO KNOW FOR
SURE... SHE'S A CRAZY GIRL!!!

INTRODUCING... THE BOSS

JON PAPELBON, THE CLOSER FOR THE BOSTON RED SOX, HAD IN HIS POSSESION THE GAME
WINNING BALL THAT WON THE 2007 WORLD SERIES. HE REPORTED TODAY, HIS DOG ATE THE BASEBALL. THE IRONIC THING ABOUT THIS STORY IS THAT HIS DOG'S NAME IS 'THE BOSS'.
YANKEES FANS MUST BE JOYFUL TO HEAR THAT RED SOX ORGANIZATION'S SECOND MOST PRIZED
POSSESION WAS EATEN BY SOMETHING THAT IS NAMED 'THE BOSS'. COINCIDENCE OR NOT, AT RED SOX MOST BRIGHTEST MOMENT, SOMETHING YANKEE ALWAYS RUINS THEIR SHOW.

ROMO, SIMPSON, AND DALLAS COWBOY'S FANS

YOU COWBOY FANS ARE CRAZY TO THINK THAT TONY ROMO'S PERFORMANCE (QUARTERBACK OF THE
DALLAS COWBOYS) IS BASED OFF OF HIM DATING JESSICA SIMPSON. THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL
FOOTBALL PLAYER AND QUARTERBACK OF THE DALLAS COWBOYS. THIS GUY KNOWS HOW TO WIN AND WIN IN BIG GAMES. GRANTED, I CANNOT EXPLAIN HIS LACKLUSTER PERFORMANCE SINCE HE STARTED DATING SIMPSON, BUT COWBOY'S FANS AND MEDIA NEEDS TO GET OFF HIS BACK. THIS GUY WILL WIN. HE IS A GOOD GUY AND HE IS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. LET'S LET HIM BE.

THE SPEARS

JAMIE LYNN SPEARS, THE YOUNGER SISTER OF BRITANY SPEARS, ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT SHE IS PREGNANT. SHE IS 16 YEARS OLD AND THE FATHER IS HER 18 YEAR OLD BOYFRIEND.

BRITANY SPEARS, THE OLDER SISTER OF JAMIE LYNN, LOST CUSTODY OF HER CHILDREN TO
EX-HUSBAND, KEVIN FEDERLINE. HELL, EVEN O.J. SIMPSON STILL HAS CUSTODY OF HIS TWO CHILDREN AND HE KILLED HIS WIFE.

LYNNE SPEARS, THE MOTHER OF BOTH JAMIE LYNN AND BRITANY SPEARS, IS CURRENTLY WRITING
A PARENTS BOOK.

I THINK JEFF FOXWORTHY SAID IT BEST... "ONCE A REDNECK, ALWAYS A REDNECK."

JESSICA ALBA... SHE'S NOT FAT... SHE'S PREGGO!!!

YESTERDAY, JESSICA ALBA'S PUBLICIST ANNOUNCED THAT ALBA IS PREGNANT. THE FATHER
OF THE BABY THAT SHE IS NOW CARRYING IS NONE OTHER THAN CASH WARREN.
WHO THE HELL IS CASH WARREN?
BECAUSE OF MY CURIOSITY, I DID LITTLE BIT OF
RESEARCH ON THIS GUY. LET ME SAY, THE RESEARCH WAS VERY LIMITED BECAUSE
HE REALLY HASN'T DONE ANYTHING. INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE HAD HIM CO-PRODUCING MOVIES
NO ONE HAS HEARD OF AND HE WAS AN ASSISTANT ON FANTASTIC FOUR. IT WAS THERE THAT
THESE TWO MET. THEY WERE DATING EVER SINCE.
IN MY OPINION, JESSICA ALBA IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST ACTRESS
ON THE PLANET. FOR THIS GUY TO KNOCK HER UP IS POETIC.
PLEASE, CAN SOMEONE INTERVIEW THIS GUY? I'D LIKE TO KNOW
HIS MOJO!!!

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN TO HER?
LAST WEEK, THERE WERE SOME PHOTOS OF HER VACATIONING IN HAWAII WITH HER BOYFRIEND CIRCULATING ON THE INTERNET THAT CAUSED A LOT OF STIR. WHY THE HOOPLA? WELL, SHE'S FAT. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH CELLULITE ON A VERY WELL KNOWN TV ACTRESS. I WATCH GHOST WHISPERS ON CBS EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. HER FACE AND UPPER BODY SEEMS THE SAME FROM HER DAYS FROM PARTY OF FIVE. MY QUESTION IS HOW LONG HAS SHE BEEN IN THIS PHYSIOLOGICAL STATE?
IT MUST BE FOR A WHILE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET THAT ASS OVER NIGHT. I STRONGLY FEEL
I'VE BEEN HAD AND MISS LED TO THINK THAT SHE WAS STILL THIN. I'VE READ MANY BLOGS AND COMMENTS ON THE INTERNET THAT EXPRESS THIS OUTRAGE. I'M NOT ALONE ON THIS ONE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, BUT I WANT THE OLD JEN HEWITT BACK, ASAP!!!

IPHONE

I, LIKE MANY COOL PEOPLE, GOT THE IPHONE THE DAY IT CAME OUT. I WAS SO HAPPY WITH
THE MANY COOL FEATURES AND JUST PLAIN COOLNESS THAT CAME WITH IT. FEW MONTHS
LATER, APPLE DECIDES TO CUT THE PRICE OF IPHONE BY $200. MANY PEOPLE WERE OUTRAGED
AND SOME SUED. BECAUSE OF THE PUBLIC OUTCRY, APPLE DECIDED TO GIVE $100 REFUND TO THE
COOL PEOPLE THAT PURCHASED THE IPHONE BEFORE THE PRICE CUT.
AS AN IPHONE USER BEFORE THE PRICE CUT, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THIS... MR STEVE JOBS, CEO OF APPLE, I HATE YOU. BECAUSE YOU STILL OWE ME $100 MORE THAT I WILL NEVER SEE!!!
ON TOP OF THAT, YOU TOOK AWAY MY COOLNESS!!!

DUMBLEDORE IS GAY???

DUMBLEDORE IS GAY???

AN IMPORTANT LESSON BROUGHT TO YOU BY MICHAEL VICK AND DOGFIGHTING

TODAY, MICHAEL VICK, THE FORMER QUATERBACK OF ATLANTA FALCONS, WAS SENTENCED 23 MONTHS IN PRISON FOR FINANCING UNDERGROUND DOGFIGHTING RING AND ABUSE OF DOGS. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON TO ALL YOU WHO ABUSE DOGS IN THIS COUNTRY. DON'T DO IT!!! YOU'LL GOTO JAIL. ONLY IN AMERICA WHERE KILLING DOGS IS THE SAME OFFENSE AS KILLING A HUMAN BEING.

NEW ENGLAND SPORTS

RED SOX SUCKS!!!
PATRIOTS SUCKS!!!
CELTICS SUCKS!!!
REVOLUTIONS SUCKS!!!
BRUINS SUCKS!!!
BOSTON HIGHWAY PROJECT SUCKS!!!

A-ROD AND THE YANKEES 2

IT'S AMAZING WHAT A LITTLE BLUFF CAN DO. A-ROD HAD TO CRAWL BACK TO THE YANKEES TO BE ON THE TEAM.
HOW CAN SCOTT BORAS, THE AGENT OF A-ROD, OVER CALCULATE A-ROD'S VALUE IN THE FREE AGENT MARKET?
THE YANKEES WERE SO PISSED OFF AT WHAT BORAS DID TO THE YANKEES, THEY TOLD A-ROD THEY WANTED HIM AT A DISCOUNT AND THAT THEY WOULD NOT NEGOCIATE WITH BORAS IF A NEW CONTRACT WERE TO BE MADE. I APPLAUDED A-ROD FOR DECIDING TO TEST THE FREE AGENT MARKET. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I DID NOT AGREE WITH THE TIMING OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT DURING THE WORLD SERIES. I ALSO APPLAUD THE YANKEES EVEN MORE FOR STICKING TO THEIR GUNS AND TELLING BORAS TO STICK IT. BUSINESS IS BUSINESS. IT'S AMAZING WHAT A LITTLE BLUFF CAN DO!!!

ENGLISH SOCCER

ALL ENGLAND HAD TO DO WAS TO TIE CROATIA AT WEMBLEY TO QUALIFY INTO THE EURO CUP.
THEY COULD NOT EVEN DO THAT? AREN'T THEY ONE OF THE SOCCER POWERHOUSE IN THE WORLD?
NOT HAVING TERRY, FERDINAND, OR ROONEY IS NO EXCUSE. THEY SUCK!!!

EAR PIECE

PEOPLE WHO TAKE PHONE CALLS WITH THEIR EAR PIECE IN PUBLIC IS ANNOYING.
TEACHERS OR PROFESSORS WHO TAKE PHONE CALLS WITH THEIR EAR PIECE DURING A LECTURE IS MORE ANNOYING.

A-ROD AND THE YANKEES

FOR ALEX RODRIGUEZ (A-ROD) TO OPT OUT OF HIS CURRENT CONTRACT WITH THE NEW YORK YANKEES, WAS SOMETHING I WAS VERY GLAD TO HEAR. THIS WAS A VERY GUTSY MOVE, BECAUSE, HE WAS ESSENTIALLY SAYING NO TO SOME 75 TO 80 MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS ON HIS GUARANTEED CONTRACT PLUS WHATEVER THE YANKEES WERE WILLING TO OFFER HIM FOR THE CONTRACT EXTENSION. THE YANKEES WERE REPORTEDLY READY TO OFFER 250 MILLION DOLLARS EXTENSION ON HIS CURRENT CONTRACT IF HE WERE NOT TO OPT OUT. NOW THAT HE HAS OPT OUT, HE IS BASICALLY TELLING THE YANKEES TO DON'T TALK TO ME AND GET BACK IN LINE.
HE TOLD NO TO THE ALMIGHTY, ALL POWERFUL, AND ALL MONEY WRITTEN NEW YORK YANKEES. FOR A PLAYER TO HAVE THIS MUCH POWER OVER THIS BALL CLUB IS SOMETHING THAT BASEBALL HAS NEVER SEEN. THE YANKEES HAVE SAID THAT IF A-ROD OPTS OUT OF HIS CONTRACT, THEY WOULD NOT NEGOTIATE. BUT LETS GET REAL.
HE HIT OVER 50 HOME-RUNS, 150 RUNS BATTED IN, AND SCORED OVER 140 RUNS.
THIS WAS NOT THE GREATEST SEASON EVER BY A HITTER. BUT, IT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST OFFENSIVE YEAR THAT WE HAVE SEEN IN A LONG TIME. HE WILL NO DOUBT
WIN THE MVP THIS YEAR. LET'S NOT FORGET, THAT HE SINGLE HANDEDLY CARRIED THE YANKEE OFFENSE FOR MOST OF THE SEASON. I DO NOT BELIEVE THEY WILL NOT TALK TO A-ROD. YANKEES WILL NEED A PLAYER LIKE A-ROD. AFTER ALL, BUSINESS IS BUSINESS. THEY ARE GOING TO SWALLOW THEIR PRIDE AND TALK TO A-ROD ABOUT NEW CONTRACT. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY WILL NEED HIM.
HIS AGENT, SCOTT BORAS, REPORTEDLY WANTED THE STARTING BID OF 350 MILLION DOLLARS. THIS TYPE OF CONTRACT IS UNPRECEDENTED. I CAN'T HELP THE FACT THAT A TEAM WILL OFFER A-ROD THIS MUCH MONEY TO HAVE HIM ON THEIR TEAM. A-ROD IS CONTROLLING THE MARKET AND THE TEAMS THAT ARE INTERESTED IN HIM. FINALLY, A PLAYER HAS ALL THIS POWER AND I FEEL THIS IS GOOD FOR BASEBALL PLAYERS IN THE FREE AGENCY MARKET. I HOPE HE GETS THE MOST MONEY HE POSSIBLY CAN.